Blind As A Bat
by tomsgirl79
Summary: A parallel to loving you is a dirty job, from Lucius’ point of view. So how does Dear Lucius feel about the argument? Minor spoilers for Halfblood prince.


**Disclaimer. **

I do not own the lyrics. I do not own the characters but I do own my imagination.

The lyrics (_Italicised_) were written by James Michael and Desmond Child.

'_Love does things for reasons that reason cannot understand.'_

**Joe**, The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement (2004)

I would like to dedicate this to all the Dragons and my lovely reviewers who have inspired me.

_Tomsgirl79._

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Blind As A Bat

_Though I've walked alone down this cold and soulless road_

_I've always felt your heat in my bones_

He stares into the bottom of his wine glass. He should not have said that to her. It was not her fault He should have dropped the subject but he had carried on. She had given everything for him. She had cut one sister dead and barely talked to the other lest she give Lucius' hading place away.

She had born him a son and heir even though the pregnancy had all but cost her, her life. The healers had advised her to have a termination but she had grimly held on as long as she could to give their son the best chance of life. Now the precious son that had been so dearly bought was living on borrowed time and running from the Dark Lord because he had failed.

Even though he was disgraced and had cost her their son, She had been there for him. When he was in Azkaban, she had pulled in favours and come to see him. She had never, even for one moment entertaining thoughts of abandoning him.

She had entered willingly in to that hell for him and looked on helpless, as her son had been drawn into a plot to sacrifice him. All this and she had forgiven him welcoming back with open arms and he repaid her by being so vile she could no longer stand to be in the same room.

_Your heart is kind, mine's painted black_

_The way me forgive me and just take me back_

He hears the sound of her feet on the stairs and the distant thud of the bedroom door close. He puts his glass on the tray and rings for the house-elf. Narcissa had managed to find a new elf after that Potter boy had freed Dobby. He knows that he should not blame Potter for everything but it absolves him from some of the guilt he feels. He walks up to her bedroom to check on her.

He watches her sleeping. She is so still that he counts her breaths to convince himself she is still alive. Letting out a breath, he had not been aware he was holding he studies the familiar curve of her face. Even in sleep, she looks older then she is, the last year has left her with lines around her eyes and bags under them. The tracks of her tears glow silver in the moonlight and he feels the knife in his heart twist. He has made her cry. He turns to leave and he hears her murmur his name. He pauses for a second but forces him self to walk away.

_With every step I rise and fall_

_With everything to gain I end up losing it all_

It pains him to know he has lost his son. He knows that nothing in this world can save his son from his fate. If only they would take him in Draco's place. He would take it in a heartbeat. There is nothing they can do to him now; no torture could cause him more pain, Death would be a release from him.

_I'm not afraid if I live or die_

_I'm not afraid 'cause I believe_

He tells him self that he is pushing her away to save her. He can no longer protect their son but he can and he _will_ protect her. What ever it costs him, Lucius will not let them hurt her. Narcissa was never meant for his world. He saved her last time as best as he could. Gold had distorted the memories of those around him and slowly, so very slowly he had rebuilt their name from the ashes.

She was always so innocent, trusting him implicitly in everything. If he said he did not like her in a particular colour, she never wore it again. When he mentioned that it did not do for women in her place to care for their own children, she had without another word of protest or hesitation handed her son over to the wet-nurse.

He had thought that by marring her he could save him self. Now he had pulled her down into this Hell with him.

_And I wish that I could give you something in return_

_For the precious time you wasted on the tears I've never earned_

He has to push her away. He knows that they will come for him soon; there is nothing he can do. The only way to save her is to keep pushing her away. If he can make her stop loving him then it will not hurt her as much to see them crucify him.

The room where he now sleeps is cold and empty. It reminds him of his prison cell but he needs no dementors to cause his nightmares tonight. His life is enough of a nightmare. His wife lies in their bed with a broken heart and his son is as good as dead.

He knows that Narcissa has been to see Snape and beg for his help and he knows that Snape vowed to help her. Curiously, this hurts him more then anything else. It reminds him he is helpless. That he is unable to save his family from this fate. This fate, this pain that he has caused them. Lucius lay down on the bed and closed his eyes. He will not sleep to night. He will never sleep again.

_And in the end you'll finally see_

_That, baby, I've done everything I possibly can_

_I do it again 'cause know you're everything that I need

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